if we can put 1 man on the moon how come we cant put them all there?
Higher Power!
Labels: Just Jokes 0 commentsA Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"
News
Labels: Just Jokes 0 commentsBig row in Irish synchorinised diving team in Beijing today,
Paddy said: "Mick was copying me"!
Laxative
Labels: Just Jokes 0 commentsDid you hear about the man who took Viagra and a laxative at the same time?
He didn't know if he was coming or going!
Your Mamma
Labels: Your Mamma 0 commentsYour mama's like a refrigerator, everyone sticks their meat in her!
Why it's great to be a guy
Labels: Food for thought 0 commentsYour ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $2000, Tux rental $100.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Dead Cat!
Labels: Just Jokes 0 commentsI got home and found the cat dead in the washing machine earlier today :(
I'm gutted, but at least she died in Comfort!
Barbie
Labels: Just Jokes 0 commentsA man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. “How much is that Barbie in the window?”, he asks the shop assistant.
In a manner she responds, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00.”
The guy asks, “Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?”
“That’s obvious,” the assistant states, “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…”
Kiss
Labels: Just Jokes 0 commentsDid you hear about the Western Kentucky professor who kissed the door goodbye and slammed his wife as he went by?
Marriage
Labels: Food for thought 0 commentsWhen a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her!
Paddy and Mick
Labels: Just Jokes 0 commentsPaddy buys two goldfish and calls them One and Two.
Micks says "Those are funny names, why did you call them One and Two?"
Paddy replys "Well, if one dies, I'll still have two left"!
New to football
Labels: Just Jokes 0 commentsA guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.
“I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents, ” she said.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’”
Best 'Out of Office' Automatic Email Replies
Labels: Just Jokes 0 comments1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can bep romoted to our management team.
4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from holiday. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged £5.99 for the first 10 words and £1.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over...)
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. I've run away to join a different circus.
10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Lucille' instead of Steve.
Your Mamma
Labels: Your Mamma 0 commentsYour mamma is so stupid, she tried to wake up a sleeping bag!
Polish Urinal
Labels: Just Jokes 0 commentsA sign over a Polish urinal reads "Please don't eat the big white mints"!
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