The Projector

Why did the projector blush?

It saw the filmstrip!

Learn Japanese in 5 Minutes

1) That's not right - Sum Ting Wong 

2) Are you harboring a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Ding?

3) See me ASAP - Kum Hia Nao 

4) Stupid Man - Dum Gai 

5) Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni 

6) Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan?

7) I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni 

8) I think you need a face lift - Chin Tu Fat 

9) It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim? 

10) I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching?

11) This is a tow away zone - No Pah King 

12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week - Wai Yu Kum Nao?

13) Staying out of sight - Lei Ying Lo 

14) He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka 

15) Your body odor is offensive - Yu Stin Ki Pu

16) Great - Fu Kin Su Pah 

Fortune Teller

Just had an appointment with the fortune teller.

She told me a lot of money is coming my way! 

I left all existed - and got hit by a frikkin Securicor van!!

Heaven!

What do u call a woman in heaven?

An Angel.

A crowd of woman in heaven?

A host of Angels.

And all woman in heaven?

PEACE ON EARTH!

Snow

Whats the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 

Snow balls!

Heat or Cold?

What travels faster, heat or cold?

Heat silly, it is too easy to catch a cold!!

The little girl

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"

She, in turn blushes, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice,"I don't fink my pet python weally givth a thit"

Army Kid

An Army kid was boasting about his father to his friend, "My dad is an engineer. He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?"

"Yes," said his friend, "My dad has built them."

Then the kid spoke: "And do you know the Dead Sea?"

"Yes.", he replied, "It's my dad who's killed it!"

Two zebra's pondering

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,

"Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him."

So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are."

The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are."

The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

Cryptic Message

it wrote who guy the curse and silly feel you'll backwards message this read to have you realise you time the by

Job Centre

Paddy marches into the job centre and screams "I've been ringing 08001730 for days now trying to get help!"

Girl at the reception desk asks "Did you get that number from our door sir?"

"Yes", Paddy says.

Girl replies "Those are our opening hours!"

Breaking news!

Stephen Hawkins is in hospital with a broken collar bone,

two broken ribs and a fractured skill.

Aparently, his girl friend stood him up!

Chasing women

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving!

Fine Wine!

I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age.

The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.

Today's news!

The man who fell onto an upholstery machine has been fully recovered.

Today's News

The thief who stole a calendar got twelve months!

Blind guy

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?

It's not hard!

Blode Joke!

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead all are on top of a building. They all jump off at the same time.

Which one hits the ground last?

The blonde because she had to stop for directions.

Paralympics

China has announced it's team for the approching Paralympics:

Won Kee Eye, Sim Pal Twat, Kin Mong, Wan Lim Gon, Fut Long Tung and Mai Lef Fut.

Drive them wild!

What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?

Money!