The little girl

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"

She, in turn blushes, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice,"I don't fink my pet python weally givth a thit"

Homey kitten!

Where would you rather be?

In prison: you spend your time in an 8x10 cell.

At work: you spend your time in an even smaller cubicle.

In prison: you get 3 meals a day.

At work: you get a break for 1 meal and have to pay for it. 

In prison: you get time off for good behavior.

At work: you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.

In prison: there are wardens who are often sadistic and psycotic.

At work: we call them owners, bosses, managers, etc.

In prison: you can join many programs which you can leave at any time.

At work: there are many programs you can never get out of.

In prison: all costs are paid by taxpayers, with no effort on your part required.

At work: you get to pay all expenses to get to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners..

In prison: you spend most of your time looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.

At work: you spend most of your time wanting to get out and inside bars.

Call of Duty 4

The Office

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to 

change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow. 

A Prayer

Army Kid

An Army kid was boasting about his father to his friend, "My dad is an engineer. He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?"

"Yes," said his friend, "My dad has built them."

Then the kid spoke: "And do you know the Dead Sea?"

"Yes.", he replied, "It's my dad who's killed it!"

His Name? Biscuits!! Don't believe me?

Your Mamma!

Your mamma is so fat that her measurements are 36-24-36...

...and her other arm is just as big!

Penrith Train Station

Two zebra's pondering

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,

"Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him."

So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you are."

The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are what you are."

The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

Pizza Delivery!

Answer

Answer is Mary! durrrrrr

How smart are you?

Let's see how smart you are!

Mary's father has 5 daughters: NaNa, NeNe, NiNi, NoNo.

What is the 5th daughters name?

Think you know it? Think again! The answer will be revealed in a few days.